The Most Important Word of the Seder

I am so thrilled to have my friend (IRL), band sistah, fellow blogger, and someone who I just all-around look up to, Ruchi Koval, guest posting today.  Ruchi has a fabulous blog, Out of the Ortho Box, that I highly recommend you go and check out.  It’s one of the only places I’ve seen on the web where people with very disparate opinions and beliefs  talk nicely to each other about contentious issues.   I know that Ruchi is genuinely interested in understanding where people are coming from, which seems to be a rare thing sometimes.  And it’s  great content, the amazing atmosphere aside.

Ruchi has plenty of experience with making Pesach, and running a Seder, so I asked her for some tips on how to make the sederim meaningful, for everyone.  Here’s what she has to say:

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Word association game:  Seder.

What do you think of?

Brisket.  Matza.  Family.  Bitter herbs (maror).  The Four Questions.  The Four Cups.  Afikoman.

Yup, all those are features of the seder.  But I’ll bet the most important word is the one you haven’t thought of.

Communication.

Amidst all the traditional foods, cousins, and hoopla, it’s easy to forget that the actual mitzvah of the seder, its raison d’etre, is to talk to your children about our national history.  Kids: we’re here.  We’re Jews.  And we used to be in Egypt.  And God saved us.  Miraculously!  And then he gave us the Torah!  And we still have it till today!  We’re so happy and grateful!  Let’s eat.  After we do some other stuff.  ‘Kay?

If you don’t have kids, talk to someone else’s kids!  If you’re not with kids, talk to each other!  And if you’re alone, well, the Talmud actually says you should ask yourself the Four Questions, and then answer yourself.  Not a sign of dementia, just a sign that communication is the name of the game.

So before the Seder, ask yourself these Four Questions.

1. What is it that I would like the next generation to know about Judaism?
2. How can I communicate that message most effectively?
3. At what part of the Seder can this be done?
4. What will I, personally, get out of this process?

Blessings on the journey – and have a wonderful holiday!

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Crowdsourced Pesach Tips

chometz - be gone!

It’s starting to feel like crunch time over here (and I’m not talking about all that matzah we will soon be eating).  It’s that time when I’m no longer purchasing chometz.  I’m getting creative with my dinner ideas, using up whatever is hanging around my pantry (and still edible).  And, of course, I’m cleaning and planning.

Pesach is almost here!

 

Last week my friend Brina shared some of her tried and true advice.  Today I’m going to share some crowd-sourcing wisdom from my Facebook friends.  A couple weeks ago I polled my fabulous friends for posts, suggestions, tips, anything.    Here are their nuggets of wisdom and experience:

from Leah

When my kids were little, I basically covered everything in foil, locked up the cabinets, and did paper and plastic. I tried to make it easy on myself. I also did not bake very much, just cooked a whole bunch of easy food.

from Emily: 

The single best thing I ever did was take a class on the real laws of cleaning for Pesach from a Rabbi where I used to live.  It is amazing how much people confuse “Spring Cleaning” and “Cleaning for Pesach.”  Once you really know the laws, you feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders and you realize you don’t need to start cleaning 8 weeks ahead of time.

As far as the seders go, go small with small kids.  It’s all great to want to tell the story and get them involved, and you can do that as long as it doesn’t go too late.  I know some families go nearly all night, and that is great, but that NEVER worked for us.  The kids became nightmares.  So do little things that get them involved:  paper bag puppets of the main players, little doodads like plastic frogs in the water glasses, model animals on the table–that kind of thing.

Also, pick a good hagaddah, one that has meaningful stories for both you and the kids.  Accept the fact that they will probably not make it through, and know that it is a far better education to have them in a warm and loving home than a home where the parents are rushing or forcing the kids to stay awake.  Everyone is different, but that has worked for us and we had the added bonus of my husband being in [medical] residency for the first two sedarim, so I was completely on my own and he was cranky and exhausted.

from Heather:

I do one room at a time— this week I’ll do the attic, and then no more chametz allowed in the attic. Next week I’ll do the bedrooms, etc etc until the only place chametz is allowed is the kitchen/dining area. Then those get a last minute cram session.

from Yonit: 

I have a journal I update every year of what I bought, what we used, what I made, who came to meals. This way I have an idea of how much to buy. Also, my rule is: if a toy can’t be thrown in a soapy bathtub or in the washing machine, it gets locked up for Pesach. I might buy a couple of new things from Big lots to “make up for” the lack .  Right now I have a puzzle in the closet waiting!

from Ohio Kosher:

Have to quote the Lubavitcher Rebbe here with the best advice- “Dust is not chometz, and the kids aren’t the Korbon Pesach!” [the Pesach offering]

from Chavi:

Get invited out for all the first day meals so you don’t have to clean and kasher until just a few days before – seriously! That is the only way we have made Pesach so far and it’s been great.

from Devorah:

When you have little kids, you really have to clean last minute because you can’t count on them not to bring a bagel into a room you already cleaned!  Also, I second the Lubavitcher Rebbe quote.  Don’t be so “holy” that you think cleaning for Pesach means being a crazy lady.

from Amy:

How about, “If you take food out of the dining room, I’ll sell you to the gypsies.”

Honestly, I clean starting the farthest from the dining room and moving closer the closer it gets to Pesach. I make loud announcements about where has been cleaned.  I have to keep a closer eye on my toddler, because he likes to grab food and wander.  In the past, at some point I usually switch to just kitnios, but that will be harder given his limited diet and extreme pickyness.

I also would not survive making Pesach if it weren’t for my lists.  I have a list of everything that has to be cleaned, by room, plus the extra to-do list like cars, getting the kittel washed and ironed, taking suits to the cleaners, etc. I have shopping lists with notes, etc.  I make notes during chol homoed and after Pesach so next year’s list is the updated (don’t buy more than x amount of y; the best place to get milk is z, etc.)

Echoing something Emily mentioned, I was on bedrest before Pesach one year.  Matt took my cleaning lists to our Rabbi, and the Rav just started crossing stuff off it because it was unnecessary.  So now I know which stuff that is nice to do if I have time, but not necessary.  I also try to schedule things week by week, starting a couple weeks before Pesach, so it doesn’t get overwhelming.

from Miriam:

I have a full system for little hands and chametz. It involved one essential piece of equipment:  Baby gates! When my kids were younger I did the main floor of the house in no more then two weeks and would section off the eating areas from the cleaning areas. This was so helpful. I still put up the gates now that my youngest is six because they can’t ‘forget’ like that.

from Chaya in Baltimore:

I think even when you do bare minimum it is very challenging.  I do NOT combine spring cleaning with Pesach cleaning, but the sheer amount that has to be done, in a short amount of time, (clean fridge, oven, stove, bring up Pesach boxes, kasher, cover, cook, etc. etc.) is often overwhelming.  Finances allowing, I recommend taking advantage of Pesach camps.  I can work with a clearer head without a child vying for my attention. I agree that we have to be so careful not to “lose it” with our kids.  I buy Pesachdik or kitnios snacks for week before.  I also have my Pesach notebook with lists from year to year.  Helps keep me organized and thinking straight.

I do want to mention that on erev Pesach itself, it’s important to remember to make food for the day.  We get so busy cooking for Pesach, can’t eat chometz anymore, can’t eat matzoh, and suddenly we’re all starving.  Recipe for disaster!  So either cook a little extra, or buy something so tummies will be full on what is probably the busiest day of the year!

One more note.  I would want to share the “mood” of it all.  When my oldest was a baby, say 3 and under, I was basically doing the work solo, just getting the chores done, but once she started to understand, there are certain parts of the preparation that actually became nice.  Like going together to vacuum car, “looking” for chometz behind couch, etc. etc.

I understand that people would want to buy seder plate ready, but the preparation last year was beautiful.  As I roasted the shankbone, talking to daughter about Beis Hamikdosh, having her take whiff of marror when grinding it, and her running out of kitchen.

Amongst the hardships of all the preparation I felt I was able to capture really nice moments.  And this is all part of transmitting the Mesorah (Heritage) to the next generation.  The sights, sounds, smells, stay with us forever and are often stronger than any “textbook” knowledge of our Exodus from Egypt.

from Chaya in Cleveland:

I used to clean out clothes closets and wonder why.  Then I found cookies in the children’s closet.  As they grew older, I stopped dealing with the clothes before Pesach–we still need warm clothes, anyway.

You’ll have to clean areas where the children–both minor and adult–may be bringing chometz.  I work my way towards the kitchen: Clean the living room, because we do nosh in there; work on the shelves in the dining room, such as putting away challah covers, except for one, bag the bentchers.  Start boxing or bagging things from the kitchen that you can do without for a few weeks. Can you skip baking for the duration? Put away pans and ingredients and start cleaning those shelves.

Start using up the UFOs-unidentified frozen objects.  I clean the refrigerator in advance, and cover the shelves with paper towels, so I can replace the chometz food, then remove the paper towels before putting in the Pesach-dik food.
I also make lists at the end of Pesach so I don’t have to buy things like spices, cocoa, plastic wrap, candles, unused jarred or canned foods when they will keep from year to year.

Another thing I do is cook the meals the day before Erev Pesach. That’s for those of us who don’t change the kitchen over ten days before the holiday.  On ErevYom Tov, I make the items for the Seder plate, set the table, make a lunch, polish the silver.

from Rivka:

I keep lists from year to year, for shopping and cleaning.  I found that a middle grade, large food processor is a MUST for this holiday where I cook almost everything from scratch. We have an opportunity to go away for Pesach this year but I said NO, because otherwise our house will remain dirty for another year! I use this time for spring cleaning even though  I don’t have to.  However, last year when I had a baby end of Adar 2 [the month before Pesach], we did the bare minimum.

from Shimona:

ORDER THE SEDER!!!! I’m telling you, last year was my first year doing it.  It came with a ton of food: seder plate, matza, etc.  It and wasn’t that expensive.  I’ve already ordered for this year.  The food isn’t as good as making it yourself, but who cares?  It’s as if I have prepared all this stuff already.  Woohoo!

from Alan:

My wife buys special toys just for Pesach.  Just a few each year and then they are PUT AWAY.  While she is washing the dishes to be put away at the end, it is the kids’ jobs to find all the missing pieces to the toys and put them in the bin which will come out the next year only when the kitchen is flipped.  Then she can cook in peace.  As the kids get older it is cute to watch them “teach” the younger ones how to use them again.

from Mandy:

One important tip – If a family is going away for Pesach to a retreat or to other family… to still clean their own home. Close family friends of ours go away EVERY year and always clean their homes ( all 20 of them.. 3 families )… a few years ago, one of them fell seriously ill while away and the whole family had to all go home immediately.

Well, there you have it  A wide variety of advice, which hopefully was helpful on some level.  Now I have to go get to it!

What are your additions?  Any pieces of great advice or wisdom that really stand out in your experience?

Let the Pesach Prep Begin!

Well, it’s definitely that time of year.  Pesach prep has begun (for some of us, at least).  In the weeks leading up to this holiday of freedom, I want to share some tips, tricks, and wisdom from around the web.

It’s understood that everyone has their own preferred method of cleaning, planning, and procrastinating.  Obviously not all of these pre-Pesach posts will resonate with everyone.  However, it’s my hope that by sharing a variety of experience and opinions, everyone will  find at least one useful tip.  Or maybe you would like to share some of your own useful tips!  Contact me if you would like to guest post, or if you just have some practical experience you would like to share.

Today’s post kicks off the Pesach planning with a post from my friend Brina, who likes to share her yummy recipes over at Mi Kosher Cocina.  Here are her tips.  Enjoy!

Little Man (back when he was really very little!) studying his haggadah

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I love Pesach, I do really. After the house is clean and my kitchen is up and running, Pesach is one of my favorite yomim tovim. Maybe its because I experience a spiritual rebirth each spring, or maybe because I thoroughly enjoy watching my children participating in the sederim using their school-made haggados.   Whatever the reason, I love Pesach.

Now let’s backtrack a bit. I said I love Pesach, not the weeks leading up to it. That is because my husband manages a kosher department at a grocery store, and this is his busiest month of the year.  Thus, it is also my most stressful month of the year because I am a “single mom” from 7 am to 8 pm every day.

This is my fifth Pesach on this schedule, so I’m used to it, but it’s still hard nonetheless.  I am also fortunate that for the third year in a row my parents are coming the day the kids get out of school to help take them out of the house as I clean and cook.  I have gotten Pesach prep down as pat as I can, and I have devised a list of pointers that can hopefully help you get ready for Pesach too.

  • Start planning the day after Purim. Your kids are going to receive nosh on Purim regardless so try not to make them feel guilty that Pesach is coming. They still have to eat for the next month.
  • Make a no chometz outside of the kitchen/dining room rule year round. I do this so I only have to spot check the bedrooms and down stairs play area, leaving my focus on the two trodden rooms.
  • Give your kids cleaning jobs instead of constantly leaving them with a baby-sitter or mother’s helper. If they are 3 or older they have learned about Pesach prep in school. Let them take the magnets off of the fridge, sweep the floor, use wipes on the legos, etc.  Later, show them how to peel vegetables and help prep the Seder plate items.  Even if it might seem more stressful, the kids are grateful to spend time with mommy.
  • Enjoy chometz until you possibly can’t.  I don’t switch over completely until 3-4 days before. This year the Shabbos before will be chometzdik [bread will eaten] and we will be cleaning the kitchen, dining room, garage, and car for the next three days.  This gives me three full days of cooking time.
  • Keep a chometz freezer and sell items if possible. No reason to make yourself sick eating that last bagel or shnitzel if you don’t have to.  Remember, your family has to eat after Pesach too.
  • Indulge a little.  I usually buy a few quality chocolate bars to help me through the cooking.  Along with a glass of iced coffee, I can relax a little during all the hard work.
  • Finally, cook on yom tov if you have to. This year is only a two-day yom tov, so I will try to have most things done before the Sederim. But if not, I can always stick a chicken in to roast or meat in the crock pot during the day.  These are long days, so take advantage of the breaks in between meals.

I hope this list will make Pesach prep easier for all of you.  I know not everyone has a husband in the kosher food industry, so it might not be quite as stressful in your house.  Regardless, the last few weeks can be a daunting task for everyone.

With that in mind, I use a cliched “don’t sweat the small stuff” and wish all of you Life in the Married Lane readers a happy and kosher Pesach.

A Homemaker Using Her Mind – Guest Post at Beltway Buzz

Happy Chanukah everyone!  Tomorrow will feature a post for Hannukah Hoopla (very exciting), but tonight I am happy to share this post which is up over at Beltway Buzz.  Is staying at home a mindless endeavor?  Am I wasting my liberal arts education?  Hardly!  Go, read and comment!

And don’t forget to enter the giveaway to win one of two CDs, Chanale’s newest album, which I reviewed and heartily recommend.

Cook Kosher Guest Post

There are a number of yummy kosher recipe sites out there, and I’m happy to have written a guest post for Cook Kosher.  This site is really attractive, has a great interface, and, most importantly, has lots of delicious recipes.

Remember when my oven was out of commission?  My post is about what I learned during my month of stove-top cooking.  Go read and enjoy!

 

 

 

Guest Post: My kids are my mussar teachers

My friend Sindy has an amazing blog, Mussar for the Masses.  Her posts, based on the mussar she learns with my other friend, Ruchi, are reflective, thoughtful and applicable.  I always come away from her posts with a thought or two (or more) on how I can improve myself.  I’m very happy to have a post over on her blog today.  Hop on over and check it out!

What’s Mussar?

From Sindy’s Facebook page:

Mussar is a path of spiritual practice that developed in the Orthodox Jewish tradition over a thousand years ago.
Mussar begins with the premise that we are all spiritual beings who are capable of climbing our own personal growth ladder. Each of us is endowed with a unique cocktail of character traits that makes us who we are. Through the study and practice of Mussar, we can refine these traits, bring them into balance, and be our best selves.
Neat, right?
Mussar is a path of spiritual practice that developed in the Orthodox Jewish tradition over a thousand years ago.
Description
Mussar begins with the premise that we are all spiritual beings who are capable of climbing our own personal growth ladder. Each of us is endowed with a unique cocktail of character traits that makes us who we are. Through the study and practice of Mussar, we can refine these traits, bring them into balance, and be our best selves.

Guest Post: Moving Tips

Today’s post is by Chavi Singer, who I know from my “real” life.  Just recently I discovered that she has a fantastic blog, Easy Jewish Home.  I’ve been have a blast browsing her posts.  They are chock full of great tips for running a busy household, recipes, crafty things, parenting, well, you should really check it out!

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Moving? Have a box (or two or three) labeled “right away”. This should include:

  • Bedding – sheets, blankets, pillows
  • Pajamas for each family member
  • One set of clean clothes for each family member, including socks and undies
  • Basic toiletries – toothbrush and paste, shampoo, hand soap, and toilet paper
  • Things your kids can’t live without – special dolls, toys, stuffed friends, and a few books
  • Kitchen: small stock of paper cups, plates, napkins, and plasticware, box of cereal
  • Kitchen: COFFEE

This should allow you to get to your new place, get into bed, get up again, and stumble to the stack of boxes awaiting your attention. Smile!

OMG I’m on KOAB!

I am over the moon to have a guest post today on Kosher on a  Budget, which is one of my absolute favorite blogsEver.

Really, if you haven’t clicked on one of those links yet, do it now!  There are loads of great posts about saving money, budgeting, a coupon database, links to sales, free shipping, other money-saving opportunities, and it’s cute and fun to read!  My post today is about one of my favorite things – cloth diapering.

If you’ve popped over here from KOAB (Hi!  Thanks for visiting!) here are some posts you may enjoy:

A Suggested Strategy for Diaper Changing Drama

Warning:  Do Not Lead with the Cheese Puffs

Culture Clash

Who needs external validation?  Me, apparently

Things that went right at the bris, or, gratitude.

How to be Green without Really Meaning To

 

First post on LadyMama

LadyMama is a fantastic site to surf.  Full of fun, informative articles,  polls and opportunities to contribute your thoughts and opinions, it’s worthy of your limited internet time.  In the words of the site itself,  LadyMama is a

dream space for the yiddishe mama in every trendy lady to learn, share and connect.

After I visited the site for the first time, I knew that I wanted to contribute.  In lieu of a post here, I’m linking to my first post on LadyMama. Enjoy!

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you can visit the site by typing http://www.ladymama.org or by going to http://www.ladymamale.blogspot.com/