Little Man, fresh out of the oven!!!

What I do remember about life with just one newborn is that I was up at odd hours of the night, wide awake, and thus was able to blog more than I expected (weird, right?).  Also, that things like making a sandwich seemed like an insane luxury.  A sandwich?  Who has time to make such things??!!  I ate a lot of frozen waffles, I think.  I don’t remember.  Somehow I survived.  Showering was also something that I learned to really, really appreciate when it actually happened.  Everything revolved completely around my new baby and his schedule (or lack thereof).  Sleep?  Right.  Cute.

double trouble. Or something.

Life with a newborn and a toddler was different.  I discovered that I was totally able to nurse with one arm while preparing a snack with the other.  It’s amazing what I can actually accomplish with one hand, no joke.  Also, I had realized that life would be easier if my kids were on something resembling a schedule, so I put some effort into that, and it helped.  I was in the middle of a big musical endeavor at the time, so it was a bit of an abnormal situation.  I was really cranky a lot (sorry, band sistahs!).

This pregnancy has been different than the previous ones, being that I have two energetic little boys who need my attention.  A lot.  And they don’t really care about my sciatica.  Or heartburn.  Or fatigue.  They really don’t.  They want me to read them that book, or go play outside with chalk, or whatever.  And that’s cool, but I’ve noticed, with some chagrin, that I have about zero energy for anything extra in my life.  Music projects?  Hahaha.  Blogging?  Sorry, not much coherent thinking by the end of the day.  My goal for the day is basically this:   Take care of the family; make sure the house doesn’t fall apart; sleep.  So I imagine that my life will have a fairly similar tone once the baby comes.  Take care of the family, make sure the house doesn’t fall apart, sleep.

As for my personal strategy for this baby, here’s what I got:  My mother is coming in (tonight!  Woot!) for nearly two weeks.  My neighbors are making meals for me (it’s an amazing system where women I sometimes barely know make meals for me.  It never ceases to amaze me how people are willing to help each other).  My mother-in-law will be coming in when the baby is about a month old.  I have a freezer packed with food for well over a month.  I’m planning on sending Little Man to a camp in the morning, and Really Little Man to a babysitter for the same time slot.  I also have cleaning help once a week.  That’s my plan.  That and really, really lowered standards of what my house will be like, organization-wise.  Remember the mantra: Take care of the family, make sure the house doesn’t fall apart, sleep.

Now, because everyone is different, and because I love crowdsourcing (it’s one of the positive things about social media, IMO), I asked around to my Facebook friends, my wonderful readers, and my Twitter friends, to see how everyone else manages with a newborn.  I got a fabulous response from many of my experienced mommy friends, and am happy to share some of the wealth.  Also, they were very sweetly encouraging to me, as I approach the state of being outnumbered by my progeny.  Love you, ladies!  You’re fantastic!

~ ~ ~

Fraidy:  Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Send younger siblings out if you have to (babysitter,playgroup whatever) and do tons of meal prep ready to go in the freezer.  Sleep when baby sleeps btw is easier said than done.  Take extra cleaning help and enlist chesed girls.  The more kids you have, the less chance of being able to get sleep.

Leah:  Strap him/her to me and go.   This works until about 3.5 months.  After that, the bouncy seat was my best friend.  Extra laundry help if you can get it.

Rivka:  My third was my easiet (I hope for you too!) because I had absolutely zero expectations about getting any sleep or getting anything done.  So, everything I got was a bracha. Also, I made it a priority to get all 3 to nap at the same time in the afternoon, so I was able to sleep then.

Gail:   If you have more then one young child, do your absolute best to get them on the same nap schedule! (of course my 2.5 yr old stopped napping at 16 months :( so I didn’t experience this!)

Tzipporah:  For me, newborns are easy!  It’s once they hit like 5 months that I start pooping out with exhaustion!  Lower your standards. That’s the only way to deal I guess haha.

Rivkah:  For me, it has been just the opposite of Fraidy’s experience as far as sleep is concerned. I jammed as much stuff into when the baby slept as I could. With Gary, I was doing a lot of work on the house when he was newborn (still am, but he has for the most part shed his nap, sadly), so I used that time to paint, strip the trim, cut mat board for pictures–do all that stuff that I don’t want the kids/baby around. Obviously everyone is different, and if you need sleep by all means get some shut eye! But for me, I found that if I didn’t do “me” things, I would get into a deep blue funk very easily. I do agree with what Fraidy said about meals, though. Freeze away, baby! Even now,without a newborn, I always make them bigger than needed so I can freeze leftovers for the days that I am too zonked to shop and cook. It also helps with the budget for my husband to always take leftovers to work as lunch. No $8 stops at the bagel shop.

Yaffa:  Truth be told, each time I had a baby it was different. Number two was the hardest and it was the winter. The best was when I had #3 when then temp outside was beautiful – I loved going for walks with or without all the kids made everything peaceful. I also made sure to have a good set up for diapers, wipes and anything I needed located in places so I didn’t have to go up and down the stairs.  Also finding a good places for everyone to sit in the car. With the sleep stuff I slept one extra cycle with the baby in the morning so I could function all day and not need a nap.

Heather:  Going from one to two was incredibly difficult— I just LAY there that whole 2 minutes. (for those of you who don’t know me I only have twins born 2 minutes apart via C section). :)  In all seriousness, when my kids were newborns they were soooooooooooooooooooo much easier. They ate, slept, pooped. I could leave the room and move a load of laundry and not worry that one would bite the other, shove the other’s head in a toilet, etc. I loved the newborn stage.

Rena:  Sleep and don’t worry about the house.  Maccaroni is ok for breakfast, lunch and supper and it’s ok if the house is a mess.  As long as everyone has something to wear in the morning the rest doesn’t matter

Rachel:  Get help. Send your kids out, or bring in a babyistter for the baby, or for the older ones.

Brina:  Freeze food in advance and/or friends give up to 2 weeks of meals, parents come to help, other people take care of night feedings so I can sleep.

Yaffa:  I don’t live near family and therefore never had help after birth.  Cooking and freezing in advance makes everything a gazillion times easier.  But mostly I think its a mindset and attitude.  Expect to be tired.  Expect to be drained.  Expect to be overwhelmed.  Because by being prepared for it, its already half as hard.  I also find that getting up and getting dressed every day helps significantly. From the day I come home from the hospital I’m fully dressed. Hanging around in your pjs makes you feel tired and yucky and less able to cope. If you can put makeup on, even better.

Marilyn:  Sleep with the baby. You can sleep through much nursing, and baby sleeps better next to Mommy. Less exhausting than getting up every time baby cries — and less likely to wake up the other kids.

Nina:  Help. Any help in any form, from people dropping off food or taking your big kids for play dates. And slowing down the rest of life.  Biggest tip is this: you have to say no to lots of things for a few months. It’s time to hunker in and stay put. It won’t be forever!

Yael:   I second the freezing food in advance. Also–if you do have help after birth, take advantage of it! REST! Don’t get out of PJs for a week–it may make you feel a bit less put together but it also puts you in a resting/relaxing state. You’ll have enough to do after that.

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this is an old picture, but I think there’s something which captures the zen of taking care of this little guy

I would love to say that I have these all the time, but I don’t.  Whenever I do have one, it intrigues me.

For instance, tonight, Really Little Man was acting lethargic and generally tired.  Since he has a bit of a cold, was just playing hard outside, and woke up early this morning, I wasn’t surprised to see him fading.  I didn’t think much of it, besides a brief thought of “well, I guess I’ll put him to bed a little earlier tonight.”  I was in the process of carrying him to his room to do the diaper change/pajama donning routine when he projectile vomited.  Of course, as a reflex, when he started to throw up, I pivoted, and thusly covered even more area, including the open dresser drawers and changing pad area.  Nice.

Here’s were the zen moment comes in:  I was totally calm.  Never mind that I had multiple things simmering on the stove, or that I am so largely pregnant (I’m due on Thursday, ftr) that I can’t even manage picking up the toys in the house, much less clean up a massive mess.  Or that I’m already woefully behind on laundry, or any number of reasons why it would have been completely reasonable to find the scenario utterly overwhelming.

I barely blinked.  I was like, um, something really calm.  An elephant?  A non-charging elephant, that is.  I will take suggestions on similes, thanks.

Maybe it has something to do with stepping up to the plate when there’s a poor, yucky-feeling kiddo in my arms.  Maybe it’s the way he rested his head on my shoulder after he was done throwing up.  I don’t know.  But I calmly cleaned him up, laid him in his crib, and cleaned up the mess.  The clothes are in the wash right now.  Little Man found the whole process fascinating (of course).  And so did I.

Funny how, when the boys are fighting (again) over who gets to play with a specific toy (even though we have a gazillion), I can practically feel my blood pressure rising.  Same thing when there are those little power struggles, when my boys are asserting their independence, and I am asserting my Mommyness.  I can get really stressed out.  But when something objectively overwhelming happens, I can be cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce (yes, that is a reference).  Not all the time, unfortunately, but enough that I suppose it’s just a massive dose of siyatta d’shmaya.  And I’m grateful for that.

Do you ever surprise yourself with resiliency in difficult moments?  

I was tempted to make this an ABC’s of things to do with little kids and diapers, since so much of my time is spent thinking about diapers and their contents (see my “B is for”), but, much to your relief, I’m sure, I decided to go with the ABC’s of parenting small children in general.  

A is for Advice.  Everyone has their opinions and theories, and will probably share them with you.  Smile and nod, take what works for you and discard the rest (see, that was unsolicited advice right there!).

B is for Bowel Movements.  I never thought I would be paying so much attention to these, but they are IMPORTANT.  Too frequent, too infrequent, consistency, timing, and so on.  I think about them all the time.

C is for Crayons.  Coloring is a fantastic activity.  It helps develop fine motor skills, fosters creativity, is a great indoor activity.  And yes, provides the opportunity for ingestion of wax and paper.  I take my eye off them for half a minute, and I hear the baby saying “Yummy!”  What’s yummy?  The green crayon, apparently.  Ew.

D is for Diapers.  I change these all the time.  Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it takes some strategizing, sometimes it’s totally gross, sometimes it’s mercifully non-stinky.  Whatever the experience, I’m perpetually in a state of pre-, post- or smack dab in the middle of a diaper change.

E is for Eating.  Sometimes Little Man can go for disturbingly long stretches without eating anything substantial.  I’m not sure how he does it, but somehow he’s survived.  Thankfully, his brother picks up much of the slack, so I don’t feel like too much of a failure in this area of motherhood.

F is for Fingerprints.  Sticky, gooey ones.  All over everything.  Always.

G is for Green Foods.  I wish I could get my kids to eat more of these.  Honestly, I kind of stopped trying to openly feed them green veggies.  Too many smashed peas on the table (and carpet) for my liking.  However, I still plan on pureeing broccoli and including it in muffins or other baked goods.  Mwahahahaha.

H is for Hugs.  Sometimes, when my kids ask me for something, I tell them that if they want it, they have to give me a hug first.  I just can’t resist having more opportunities to squeeze those cute little guys.

I is for Independence.  This could also be for “I can do it!”  They may be under 3 feet tall, but they can do it on their own!  And I should let them.  Unless it’s dangerous, of course.  Duh.

J is for Jumping.  Usually on beds, though Little Man has discovered that if he climbs into his brother’s crib and holds onto the rail while jumping, he can get incredible height.  Disassembled couches are also good for jumping, and so is the floor, in a pinch.

K is for Kisses.  Sloppy toddler kisses, magical Mommy kisses (the ones that cure boo-boos), sweet sibling kisses.  Those are the moments that make all the frustrations seem completely irrelevant.

L is for Leftovers.  A/k/a what I eat for lunch and dinner, and sometimes breakfast.  I am forever scrounging the leftovers off my kids’ plates.

M is for Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommymommymommy!  It’s either painfully endearing or painfully aggravating.  Rarely in between.

N is for No.  Even though we made an effort to avoid using this word around Little Man, it was still one of the first words he learned.  Same with Really Little Man (though by then, we didn’t even try to avoid it).  It’s just so easy and satisfying to say – can we blame them for using it all the time?  No, no we can’t.

O is for Overwhelmed.  Little children are very demanding – physically, strategically, emotionally.  Many of my friends who are parenting small children have expressed feeling that they are at their wits’ end sometimes.  Good thing the hugs and kisses really do make up for a lot of it.

P is for Pacifiers.  It better be the right kind of pacifier, or wailing will ensue.  Also, make sure it’s the right number of pacifiers (for Really Little Man, he’ll take 2 for nap time and night time).  They can be called all sorts of things.  Little Man called his “fier.”  Really Little Man calls his “Papayoor.”  It’s adorable.

Q is for Quarreling.  Two boys, twenty months apart.  Enough said.

R is for Repeating.  They will repeat everything you say.  Especially those things you didn’t mean to say in front of them.  Little parrots, they are.

S is for Sippy Cups.  No matter how much I clean these things, they always end up scummy and gross.  I started getting the throw-away ones.  I can use them until they are nasty, and then not feel as much guilt for tossing them.  Well, as much financial guilt.  I’m sure it’s still not great for the environment.  That and all those diapers.  Sorry, earth.

T is for Toilet Training.  It’s not happening in this house yet.  Little Man is SO not interested.  But it looms on the horizon.  Looms.

U is for Umbrella Strollers.  Great for getting around in a pinch.  I love having a cheap-o one in the trunk that I can whip out if need be.  Of course, we occasionally have disputes over who gets to ride in it.  I vote for Mommy.  When do I get to sit in the stroller and be pushed around?   Don’t answer that.

V is for Vaccines.  Even though my husband was able to come to a number of our kids’ well-child visits, he always managed to evade being around for the giving-of-the-shots.  Sneaky.

W is for Wipes.  Usually used on those cute little bottoms, but also very handy for sticky finger, faces and other surfaces.  While I may be a fan, the kids usually aren’t.  Oh well.

X is for X-rays.  We tried once to get Little Man to cooperate for an x-ray.  Tried, and failed.  Miserably.  In retrospect, we totally did not prep him even remotely adequately for the understandably terrifying experience.  Our bad.  Now I’m just hoping he won’t actually need one.  Ever.

Y is for Yucky.  I don’t think I really need to elaborate on this one.  Parenting can be really yucky.  On so many levels.

Z is for Zzzzzzs.  Depending on the kid, these could be but a distant memory.  I certainly have a heightened appreciation for getting a good night’s sleep.

What are some of your Parenting ABC’s?  

My name is Lucie Esther. I’m a 22-year-old Jewish girl and live in Paris, France.  I’m currently studying law. I love baking, drinking really good red wine,reading, writing, taking pictures and sleeping.  After my graduation, I would like to move to Israel to study in a religious seminary for one year and then take the Israeli bar exam to become an Israeli lawyer.

My Chinese teacher when I was in highschool (10th-12th grade)

What is her relationship to you?

She first was my Chinese teacher but she became a really close friend of mine since 2010.

I first met her in highschool in Strasbourg (France) when I was 15 years old.

I was still a teenager and I definitely think that the time when I met her for the first time had a great impact on me.  Because of her I learned Chinese for five years (in highschool and at the university) and decided to study law.

I remember that when I was her student I would always be amazed by the fact that she was a “smile-person” and that her outfits looked always great on her.  She taught, without even not knowing it, that looks was something important and it still has an impact on me today.

I also remember that she was very kind and polite to anyone – even people that no one talked to. There was a disabled person in my highschool who was doing maintenance work and usually nobody said “hi” to him. My Chinese teacher always said “hi” to him and always asked him how he was doing.

I also remember that when I needed somewhere to sleep over one time she told me to call her if I had nowhere to go. And I did call her and she wasn’t really surprised. I slept in her home and she made me feel so comfortable. In May 2011 I phoned her when I was feeling really bad.  She comforted me for more than an hour, even if it was late and she told me I had to talk with a doctor. Then she gave me her sister’s number who is a doctor (and a really greeat one). I realized then that she would never let me down and I was (and still am) so grateful to her.

She definitely made me a better person. She taught how important it is to always have an “ayin tov” toward people and toward yourself and how keeping calm was the best way to act.  She also taught me the mitsva of having an open home and how important the mitsva of hospitality was. She also showed that she is a great mother and I wish my future kids could be like hers and that I would become a great mother as she is.

I think about her everyday because we’re texting a lot together and I always feel better kinder and happier.

I am so happy to be over at Miriyummy today.  As you can probably guess from the name of her blog, she writes about yummy food.  Very yummy food, and she writes with aplomb and entertaining prose.  I enjoy reading her blog as much as I do following her recipes.  

She contributed an extremely moving post about her mother for the Women Who Inspire Us Series (you should really go and read it, really).  

Someday, I will hopefully be able to eat her food in real life, though I don’t know when the next time I’ll get to visit Israel is.  Soon, I hope!  

Now, go on over and visit her blog!  

Grandma and Bubby feeding the baby (a/k/a grand mommies in totally bliss), last Pesach

This is the first year we’re staying home for the entire Pesach.  A couple years ago, we went to my in-laws for the first days and came back chol hamoed, hosting my in-laws for the second half of Yom Tov (they are easy guests AND helped cook, so it was actually pretty fantastic).  I don’t recommend traveling and making Pesach if you can help it, but if someone has to work chol hamoed, there’s not always a choice.

Anyways, we’re staying home this year.  Since I had had some meager experience with “making” Pesach that one time, I’ve been pretty calm.  I started cleaning and planning a couple of weeks ago, doing a little here and there, and, overall, have not been stressed out.  Then, last night, I sat down to do a menu plan and my head exploded.

Usually, I enjoy menu planning because I’m extremely type-A it helps me function efficiently.  When I don’t menu plan, I end up running to the store multiple times a week, which I prefer not to do.  Not making a plan for Pesach would mean a lot of shopping guesswork, probably a lot of unused items and wasted produce.  I don’t have the time or energy for that, so I strongly prefer to plan, then make a shopping list, and go from there.  It’s just how I roll best.

One of the big hurdles I didn’t consider is the awkward limbo phase when the house isn’t quite kosher for Pesach. I found this wholly overwhelmed.  When would my kitchen be turned over?  I wasn’t sure.  What food could I make when?  And where?  How and what was I going to feed my family?

So, after royally freaking out, and posting said freak-out to Facebook and Twitter, I did the most sensible thing I could.  I walked away from the menu planning, called my mother and moved on to a completely different task.  Namely, putting away kitchen items I knew I wouldn’t be using from here on out (bye-bye coriander!  See ya, toaster!).  After making substantial progress, I felt much more calm and clear-headed.

Then, although it was late, I sat down to tackle the menu planning.  The theme of this menu plan is KEEP IT SIMPLE!   I scoured Facebook (one of my neighbors made a great page – a Passover Support Group.  Fantastic idea!) and blogs for menu ideas, and emailed recipes to myself so I could print them off and put them in my Pesach notebook.  Also, my mother-in-law is coming Thursday (Yay!), and she will definitely help with the cooking, so that’s a big relief.

Here is what I came up with:

the Pre-Pesach days

Monday, April 2nd - kind of almost totally cleaned for Pesach.  Except not.

• lunch – Pesachdik noodles with cheese for the kids, roasted veggie salad for me.
• dinner – eat out

Tuesday, April 3rd - turn the kitchen over today, major limbo!

• lunch – more Pesachdik noodles for the boys, salad for me
• dinner – Bagels and cream cheese picnic on the patio.  Serious vigilance will be exercised.

Wednesday, April 4th

• lunch – eggs with hash browns as a side (with ketchup, yum!)
• dinner – fish, matzah meal couscous and sautéed zucchini

Thursday, April 5th

• lunch – tuna patties and sweet potato fries
• dinner – scrambled eggs with some veggies, salad and egg matzah

First Days of Yom Tov

• Friday night/1st Seder, April 6th:  Eggplant salad, Chicken soup (made by my MIL), Meat and Potatoes,  some dessert courtesy of my MIL.
• Shabbos day/1st day lunch, April 7th:  Marinated mushroom salad, Carrot salad (made by my MIL), Tuna patties, Sweet Potato Kugel, Cholent, some dessert courtesy of my MIL.
• Saturday night/2nd Seder, April 7th:  Tomato Dip, Beet Salad, Chicken Soup, Smothered Caramelized Onion Chicken, Veggie Kugel, some dessert courtesy of my MIL.
• Sunday/2nd day lunch, April 8th:  Cucumber Salad, Slow Roasted Cherry Tomatoes, Meat with Potatoes, whatever else is leftover, and (as you can probably guess)  some dessert courtesy of my MIL.

Chol HaMoed

Monday, April 9th

• lunch – eggs, salad (Romaine with cut-up veggies)
• dinner – leftovers from Yom Tov

Tuesday, April 10th

• lunch – hot dogs and spaghetti squash
• dinner – Meatballs and Smashed Potatoes

Wednesday, April 11th

• lunch – Matzah Pizza
• dinner – Salmon with Israeli salad and matzah brei

Thursday, April 12th

• lunch – eggs, salad and fried potatoes

Second Days of Yom Tov

• Thursday night/first night, April 12th:  Roasted Eggplant Dip, Romaine salad with tomatoes, red onion and cucumber, Roasted Chicken, Dessert TBD
• Friday day/first day lunch, April 13th:  Romaine salad, Tomato Dip, Carrot Salad, Beet & Carrot Latkes, Meat with Potatoes, Dessert TBD
• Friday night/second night & Shabbos, April 13th:  Roasted zucchini and Eggplant Salad, Salmon, Roasted Veggies, Chicken, some dessert
• Shabbos day/second day lunch, April 14th:  Egg Salad, Roasted Zucchini and Eggplant Salad, Pickles(?), Tomato Dip, Cholent, Potato Kugel, whatever else is leftover, and some kind of dessert.

And there you have it!  The menu plan for the first Pesach I’ve ever really made.  What’s the simplest thing on your menu?  

this isn't me, but I would like that hat, or scarf. Whatever it is, I like it.

Happy Sunday!  When I logged on this morning, I discovered that I had won the “define Heffaloftus” poll over at Renee Schuls-Jacobson’s fantastic blog.  Woohoo!  What a nice treat.  If you’re here visiting from Renee’s blog, welcome!  If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading Renee’s always interesting and entertaining blog, hop on over and see what Lessons from Teachers and Twits is all about!

As you might have noticed (hardy har), Pesach is soon approaching.  As we discuss the narrative of our ancestors’ liberation from Egyptian bondage, we can also think about what is enslaving us, so to speak.  Which habits or behaviors are holding us back from actualizing our potential?  Each holiday on the Jewish calendar brings down a specific energy from the spiritual realm, making certain physical actions easier.  Pesach is known as “zman cheiroseinu,” the Time of Our Freedom.   Meaning, this is prime time to break free of negative behaviors and/or bad habits that have crept up on us.  I had a friend who used this time of year as an opportunity to stop biting her nails.

One habit that has been weighing heavily on my mind is my unproductive use of the internet.  I don’t know how many of you can relate to this, but I’ve developed an unfortunate groove of sitting down and logging on mindlessly.  I find myself frequently checking to see if anything “new” is happening.  New messages, new updates, new whatever.  I could be doing something productive  online (like writing a blog post), but I just spin my wheels.  Worse, when I’m egregiously unproductive, the guilt I feel for not doing my household duties is exponentially magnified.  It’s a yucky feeling.

Two weeks ago, our computer was out of the apartment from Friday until Monday.  Now, I don’t have one of those smart-phone thingies like all you hip kids, so no computer meant no at-home internet access.  For three-and-a-half days.

It was a great freebie.  I didn’t have to exert any willpower to change my bad habit because the object of my habit was simply removed.  This enabled me to take a more objective look at my routine, to stop and reflect on how I wanted to change.  Because I do want to change.  I recognized that I was stuck in a rut and I didn’t like being there, but inertia and lack of willpower (or maybe it was just fatigue, not an unreasonable assumption) was making it awfully hard to change the pattern.

Without the computer, I found myself having to find {gasp} other things to do around the house.  I got more housework done (no shocker there), read more, spent more time with my kids, got more exercise, went to sleep earlier.  It was amazing.  Now, I’m not about to get rid of the internet or anything, but this forced separation did allow me to get a glimpse of what my life could be like if I exerted just a little more self-control in this area.  If I took myself off the auto-pilot I was on.

So, you know how it is when you start paying attention to something in your life, and then all of a sudden it’s everywhere?  Yeah, that happened.  I was listening to a shiur last Friday, and the Rabbi quoted the Ramchal’s essay, Derech Etz Chaim.  He said that one of the most important things a person can do is to contemplate the actions in his (or her) life.  That to actively think about, to be conscious of what I am doing is a tremendous protection against making bad choices and actions.

Whoa, right?  Sign me up!  I’d like to be all contemplative and in-the-moment and be protected from bad decisions.

I’m stoked about changing my non-productive pattern.  Still, I’m realistic about the strength of ingrained habits, and I don’t expect to be instantly “cured” of my rote behavior.  That said, I certainly intend to harness the spiritual energy of this time of year to develop new habits to replace the old ones.  Practically, this means waiting to log on in the morning until after I’ve accomplished a certain amount of things, not logging on after Shabbos until I’ve picked up the toys and (somewhat) cleaned the dishes, etc.  Sometimes it could even mean just waiting five minute before going to the computer to check my email or Facebook page.  In those five minutes I’ve created a window to insert consciousness into an otherwise thoughtless action.

And on that note, I am off to do some dishes!

Here’s to freeing ourselves from bad habits!  Chag Sameach everyone!  Have a great Passover!

What would you like to free yourself from this year? 

You may also enjoy these:

• Torah Tuesdays:  What’s the purpose of life?
• Torah Tuesdays:  A Month of Introspection
• Using social media in a positive way, part one
• Torah Tuesdays:  Choose who you become

Ruchi has plenty of experience with making Pesach, and running a Seder, so I asked her for some tips on how to make the sederim meaningful, for everyone.  Here’s what she has to say:

~ ~ ~

Word association game:  Seder.

What do you think of?

Brisket.  Matza.  Family.  Bitter herbs (maror).  The Four Questions.  The Four Cups.  Afikoman.

Yup, all those are features of the seder.  But I’ll bet the most important word is the one you haven’t thought of.

Communication.

Amidst all the traditional foods, cousins, and hoopla, it’s easy to forget that the actual mitzvah of the seder, its raison d’etre, is to talk to your children about our national history.  Kids: we’re here.  We’re Jews.  And we used to be in Egypt.  And God saved us.  Miraculously!  And then he gave us the Torah!  And we still have it till today!  We’re so happy and grateful!  Let’s eat.  After we do some other stuff.  ‘Kay?

If you don’t have kids, talk to someone else’s kids!  If you’re not with kids, talk to each other!  And if you’re alone, well, the Talmud actually says you should ask yourself the Four Questions, and then answer yourself.  Not a sign of dementia, just a sign that communication is the name of the game.

So before the Seder, ask yourself these Four Questions.

1. What is it that I would like the next generation to know about Judaism?
2. How can I communicate that message most effectively?
3. At what part of the Seder can this be done?
4. What will I, personally, get out of this process?

Blessings on the journey – and have a wonderful holiday!

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You may also want to check these out

• Crowdsourced Pesach Tips
• Let the Pesach Prep Begin!

chometz - be gone!

It’s starting to feel like crunch time over here (and I’m not talking about all that matzah we will soon be eating).  It’s that time when I’m no longer purchasing chometz.  I’m getting creative with my dinner ideas, using up whatever is hanging around my pantry (and still edible).  And, of course, I’m cleaning and planning.

Pesach is almost here!

Last week my friend Brina shared some of her tried and true advice.  Today I’m going to share some crowd-sourcing wisdom from my Facebook friends.  A couple weeks ago I polled my fabulous friends for posts, suggestions, tips, anything.    Here are their nuggets of wisdom and experience:

from Leah: 

When my kids were little, I basically covered everything in foil, locked up the cabinets, and did paper and plastic. I tried to make it easy on myself. I also did not bake very much, just cooked a whole bunch of easy food.

from Emily: 

The single best thing I ever did was take a class on the real laws of cleaning for Pesach from a Rabbi where I used to live.  It is amazing how much people confuse “Spring Cleaning” and “Cleaning for Pesach.”  Once you really know the laws, you feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders and you realize you don’t need to start cleaning 8 weeks ahead of time.

As far as the seders go, go small with small kids.  It’s all great to want to tell the story and get them involved, and you can do that as long as it doesn’t go too late.  I know some families go nearly all night, and that is great, but that NEVER worked for us.  The kids became nightmares.  So do little things that get them involved:  paper bag puppets of the main players, little doodads like plastic frogs in the water glasses, model animals on the table–that kind of thing.

Also, pick a good hagaddah, one that has meaningful stories for both you and the kids.  Accept the fact that they will probably not make it through, and know that it is a far better education to have them in a warm and loving home than a home where the parents are rushing or forcing the kids to stay awake.  Everyone is different, but that has worked for us and we had the added bonus of my husband being in [medical] residency for the first two sedarim, so I was completely on my own and he was cranky and exhausted.

from Heather:

I do one room at a time— this week I’ll do the attic, and then no more chametz allowed in the attic. Next week I’ll do the bedrooms, etc etc until the only place chametz is allowed is the kitchen/dining area. Then those get a last minute cram session.

from Yonit: 

I have a journal I update every year of what I bought, what we used, what I made, who came to meals. This way I have an idea of how much to buy. Also, my rule is: if a toy can’t be thrown in a soapy bathtub or in the washing machine, it gets locked up for Pesach. I might buy a couple of new things from Big lots to “make up for” the lack .  Right now I have a puzzle in the closet waiting!

from Ohio Kosher:

Have to quote the Lubavitcher Rebbe here with the best advice- “Dust is not chometz, and the kids aren’t the Korbon Pesach!” [the Pesach offering]

from Chavi:

Get invited out for all the first day meals so you don’t have to clean and kasher until just a few days before – seriously! That is the only way we have made Pesach so far and it’s been great.

from Devorah:

When you have little kids, you really have to clean last minute because you can’t count on them not to bring a bagel into a room you already cleaned!  Also, I second the Lubavitcher Rebbe quote.  Don’t be so “holy” that you think cleaning for Pesach means being a crazy lady.

from Amy:

How about, “If you take food out of the dining room, I’ll sell you to the gypsies.”

Honestly, I clean starting the farthest from the dining room and moving closer the closer it gets to Pesach. I make loud announcements about where has been cleaned.  I have to keep a closer eye on my toddler, because he likes to grab food and wander.  In the past, at some point I usually switch to just kitnios, but that will be harder given his limited diet and extreme pickyness.

I also would not survive making Pesach if it weren’t for my lists.  I have a list of everything that has to be cleaned, by room, plus the extra to-do list like cars, getting the kittel washed and ironed, taking suits to the cleaners, etc. I have shopping lists with notes, etc.  I make notes during chol homoed and after Pesach so next year’s list is the updated (don’t buy more than x amount of y; the best place to get milk is z, etc.)

Echoing something Emily mentioned, I was on bedrest before Pesach one year.  Matt took my cleaning lists to our Rabbi, and the Rav just started crossing stuff off it because it was unnecessary.  So now I know which stuff that is nice to do if I have time, but not necessary.  I also try to schedule things week by week, starting a couple weeks before Pesach, so it doesn’t get overwhelming.

from Miriam:

I have a full system for little hands and chametz. It involved one essential piece of equipment:  Baby gates! When my kids were younger I did the main floor of the house in no more then two weeks and would section off the eating areas from the cleaning areas. This was so helpful. I still put up the gates now that my youngest is six because they can’t ‘forget’ like that.

from Chaya in Baltimore:

I think even when you do bare minimum it is very challenging.  I do NOT combine spring cleaning with Pesach cleaning, but the sheer amount that has to be done, in a short amount of time, (clean fridge, oven, stove, bring up Pesach boxes, kasher, cover, cook, etc. etc.) is often overwhelming.  Finances allowing, I recommend taking advantage of Pesach camps.  I can work with a clearer head without a child vying for my attention. I agree that we have to be so careful not to “lose it” with our kids.  I buy Pesachdik or kitnios snacks for week before.  I also have my Pesach notebook with lists from year to year.  Helps keep me organized and thinking straight.

I do want to mention that on erev Pesach itself, it’s important to remember to make food for the day.  We get so busy cooking for Pesach, can’t eat chometz anymore, can’t eat matzoh, and suddenly we’re all starving.  Recipe for disaster!  So either cook a little extra, or buy something so tummies will be full on what is probably the busiest day of the year!

One more note.  I would want to share the “mood” of it all.  When my oldest was a baby, say 3 and under, I was basically doing the work solo, just getting the chores done, but once she started to understand, there are certain parts of the preparation that actually became nice.  Like going together to vacuum car, “looking” for chometz behind couch, etc. etc.

I understand that people would want to buy seder plate ready, but the preparation last year was beautiful.  As I roasted the shankbone, talking to daughter about Beis Hamikdosh, having her take whiff of marror when grinding it, and her running out of kitchen.

Amongst the hardships of all the preparation I felt I was able to capture really nice moments.  And this is all part of transmitting the Mesorah (Heritage) to the next generation.  The sights, sounds, smells, stay with us forever and are often stronger than any “textbook” knowledge of our Exodus from Egypt.

from Chaya in Cleveland:

I used to clean out clothes closets and wonder why.  Then I found cookies in the children’s closet.  As they grew older, I stopped dealing with the clothes before Pesach–we still need warm clothes, anyway.

You’ll have to clean areas where the children–both minor and adult–may be bringing chometz.  I work my way towards the kitchen: Clean the living room, because we do nosh in there; work on the shelves in the dining room, such as putting away challah covers, except for one, bag the bentchers.  Start boxing or bagging things from the kitchen that you can do without for a few weeks. Can you skip baking for the duration? Put away pans and ingredients and start cleaning those shelves.

Start using up the UFOs-unidentified frozen objects.  I clean the refrigerator in advance, and cover the shelves with paper towels, so I can replace the chometz food, then remove the paper towels before putting in the Pesach-dik food.
I also make lists at the end of Pesach so I don’t have to buy things like spices, cocoa, plastic wrap, candles, unused jarred or canned foods when they will keep from year to year.

Another thing I do is cook the meals the day before Erev Pesach. That’s for those of us who don’t change the kitchen over ten days before the holiday.  On ErevYom Tov, I make the items for the Seder plate, set the table, make a lunch, polish the silver.

from Rivka:

I keep lists from year to year, for shopping and cleaning.  I found that a middle grade, large food processor is a MUST for this holiday where I cook almost everything from scratch. We have an opportunity to go away for Pesach this year but I said NO, because otherwise our house will remain dirty for another year! I use this time for spring cleaning even though  I don’t have to.  However, last year when I had a baby end of Adar 2 [the month before Pesach], we did the bare minimum.

from Shimona:

ORDER THE SEDER!!!! I’m telling you, last year was my first year doing it.  It came with a ton of food: seder plate, matza, etc.  It and wasn’t that expensive.  I’ve already ordered for this year.  The food isn’t as good as making it yourself, but who cares?  It’s as if I have prepared all this stuff already.  Woohoo!

from Alan:

My wife buys special toys just for Pesach.  Just a few each year and then they are PUT AWAY.  While she is washing the dishes to be put away at the end, it is the kids’ jobs to find all the missing pieces to the toys and put them in the bin which will come out the next year only when the kitchen is flipped.  Then she can cook in peace.  As the kids get older it is cute to watch them “teach” the younger ones how to use them again.

from Mandy:

One important tip – If a family is going away for Pesach to a retreat or to other family… to still clean their own home. Close family friends of ours go away EVERY year and always clean their homes ( all 20 of them.. 3 families )… a few years ago, one of them fell seriously ill while away and the whole family had to all go home immediately.

Well, there you have it  A wide variety of advice, which hopefully was helpful on some level.  Now I have to go get to it!

What are your additions?  Any pieces of great advice or wisdom that really stand out in your experience?

Nikki and her super-adorable baby, Nev!

I would love to bring this series back on a regular (monthly?) basis, so if you would like to share your thoughts and memories about a woman who inspires you (and we all have one, don’t we?), please contact me!  If you want to stay connected and keep up with new posts, you can always subscribe to my RSS feed, via email, like my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter (phew!).  Enjoy!

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Who is a woman you find inspirational?

The nurse who helped me through my entire labor and delivery – Mary Lucy.

What is her relationship to you?

I met her for the first time the Sunday before I gave birth to my daughter.

Where did you meet her?

Mary Lucy was a nurse who had just came on shift as I was being discharged for false labor.

When did you meet her?  Do you think the timing of your meeting affected her impact on you?

I met Mary Lucy at Marymount Hospital (Cleveland, OH) around 5am on Sunday, May 1, 2011.  I was moments away from tears because I thought that May 1st was going to be THE day I got to meet my baby, and instead I was being discharged for false labor.  I was embarrassed, tired and extremely disappointed.

The first thing I remember Mary Lucy saying to me when I told her that I was going home because of a false alarm was: “Don’t you worry. I bet you’ll be back here tomorrow.” (And for the record, I went into real labor the very next day!)

What is inspirational about her?

As luck would have it, Mary Lucy was the first person to greet me the next day when I arrived for Round 2 of Labor and Delivery at 9am.  She helped keep me calm the entire day.  Mary Lucy not only told me what to expect during each stage of labor–how far I was progressing, when I was able to get an epidural or when my OB/GYN would arrive–she went well above and beyond that.

She helped me out with so many little things . . . Like bringing me red popsicles (because I mentioned to her that I was not a fan of grape or orange) or simply holding my hand when I transitioned and was shaking uncontrollably.  Even though I barely knew her, having Mary Lucy at my side throughout the day was like having my best friend in the room with me.

Towards the end of my labor, I distinctly remember Mary Lucy mentioning that her shift was about to end.  I will never forget when she came back into my room after clocking out for her shift at 8pm.  She told me that she wanted to stay and help me through the actual delivery part.  I was so moved by this small gesture.  And sure enough, at 8:58pm, my daughter was born with Mary Lucy standing by my side.

How has this inspiration affected your life?  Do you think it has made you a better person?  How so?

Mary Lucy left a big impression on me for a multitude of reasons.  First and foremost, I will always remember Mary Lucy as the nurse who helped me through the delivery of my first child.  But I’ll also cherish the memories of how compassionate and understanding she was towards me.  She embodied the Golden Rule: “Treat others how you would like to be treated.”

I was so overwhelmed by the fact that Mary Lucy had never met me before, but she still had both the desire and the ability to comfort me the day I was sent home AND the actual day of my labor.  I could have easily been “just another woman” who had checked into the labor and delivery ward, but to Mary Lucy, I was Nikki Flores, and I was a new mom who needed some guidance.

When do you find yourself thinking of this person?  How do you feel when you think about her?

I think about Mary Lucy every once in awhile, and I wonder where she is now (The maternity ward in Marymount Hospital has since closed down).  I hope that she was able to find a new job in labor and delivery at another hospital because that’s truly where she belongs.