Tag Archives: illness

Good Deeds for Recovery from Illness

by

Unfortunately, Ayala Pamela bas Leah (Pamela Nagy Weisfeld) passed away today (August 20th).  We can still do good deeds as a merit for her soul.  May her family be comforted, and may we only share in simchas.

Some upsetting news came down through the Facebook grapevine yesterday:

Pamela was at Neve at the same time as me.  She’s a beautiful, vivacious, wonderful woman.  I was completely floored at this devastating news.  I’m still shaken up about it.

In the past several years there have been a staggering numbers of young people dying.  Mothers, fathers, children.  G-d help us all.  It’s too much to bear, really, and much of the time when I hear about an untimely illness, I don’t feel anything (except an increase in hypochondriacal tendencies).  Maybe I’ve been desensitized.  Maybe it’s just a defense mechanism.  I don’t know.  Thanks to the long reach of social media and general interconnectivity through the internet, such news travels fast, often, and wide.  And while I’m not emotionally capable of feeling deeply for every one who is ailing, when it’s someone who I know, someone whose path has directly crossed mine, I’m reminded that everyone who is ill is loved by someone, even if it’s not me.

Judaism takes the power of prayer very seriously.  Even when a person is, lo aleinu, at death’s door, beyond hope according to medical professionals, we still pray fervently for a complete and speedy recovery.  Why?  Judaism teaches that only Hashem can give or take life, and as long as a person is living, there is still hope.  I know several people who were in such situations, and after their recovery the doctors and other medical staff openly stated that the recoveries were miraculous.  So we don’t despair, even when it looks pretty bleak.

Another concept in Judaism is that of doing a good deed as a merit for the recovery of the choleh (the person who is sick).  One could learn Torah on behalf of the choleh, give money to charity, light Shabbos candles earlier (or at all), refrain from negative speech, make a blessing over food, etc.  Basically, if something is a mitzvah, that spiritual credit can be donated, so to speak, to the choleh in order to help him or her recover.

So, I’m asking all my wonderful readers to consider doing something on Pamela’s behalf.  It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose – every little bit helps.  Whatever you choose to do, have in mind her Hebrew name – Ayala Pamela bas Leah (the “bas” means “daughter of” in Hebrew.  So, Pamela’s mother’s Hebrew name was Leah).  Names are a potent thing in Judaism, so having her “in mind,” as we say, is the most effective way to get that positive spiritual juice to her.  And lest you think this contribution is limited to my Jewish readers, I’m not picky about who sends prayers, positive energy and good deeds her way.  Hashem certainly listens to everyone’s prayers, so there’s no monopoly on helping out here.

Thank you all so much for reading this post, and for potentially doing an action to help Pamela out.  I apologize for imposing on you, as no doubt you have your own list of those who are ill, or who need prayers.  Please don’t feel obligated to help, but if you can, even if it’s just putting a nickel toward charity, it will be greatly appreciated.

If you’re stymied on things you can do to help, here are some suggestions.  Feel free to add more in the comments section:

  • Prayer – remember to use her name:  Ayala Pamela bas Leah
  • Giving charity, no amount too small
  • Refraining from lashon hara (speaking ill of others).  More info on what this is, and how to avoid it, here
  • Lighting Shabbos candles earlier than usual, or just lighting them, if you don’t usually.  Here’s a site with candle lighting times (make sure you’ve selected  the correct city, as it will affect the times)
  • Saying Tehillim (Psalms).  Chapters 6, 30, 41, 88 & 103 are especially good for this situation, but any and all and helpful.
  • Learning Torah.  Here are some useful sites for that: aish.com, chabad.org, torah.org, partners in torah
  • Do a mitzvah, any mitzvah.  Here’s a list of the 613 you have to choose from.

May we only share good news with each other from now on.

The Clueless Caregiver

by
Open bottles of Extra Strength Tylenol and Ext...

Image via Wikipedia

Nikki Flores (aka CluelessMe) first hit the blogging scene with the Clueless Newlywed blog, which was a fun light-hearted blog, cataloging the unique and clueless adventures surrounding herself and her new husband. Just because the honeymoon is over doesn’t mean the cluelessness had come to a close. Follow the story at cluelessme.com and watch as the two stumble through buying their first home, fighting with neighbors, having their first kid and much more. Perhaps you could give Nikki Flores some advice to help her get a little more clued-in or at the very least, laugh at her expense. Follow CluelessMe on Twitter @nikkiflores.

You know the age-old wedding vow, “In sickness and in health”? Well, when I stood under the chuppah and got married three short years ago, I never really gave much thought to that vow. Unfortunately for my husband’s sake, I really should have.

I had no idea that when my husband placed that wedding band on my finger, it inevitably meant that I would be put into a position where I would get up close and personal with vomit, whining and an overall sense of ickiness without any instructions on how to handle these types of situations whatsoever.

Allow me to introduce myself:  My name is Nikki Flores and I am a clueless caregiver, or so my husband claims.

Let me start off by saying that over the course of the three or four years we dated, my husband never came down with anything. I suppose that’s why I was caught so off-guard the first time I he actually became ill.

There he was, a full-grown 160-pound man with his head in the toilet, heaving just like a cat hacking up a massive hairball. Judging by the obnoxiously sick-sounding noises escaping his throat and the lack of puke in the actual toilet bowl, I was able to draw only one conclusion—He was faking.

So I did what any good-humored wife would do in my situation, I laughed in his face and told my husband the gig was up.

“I know you’re faking.”

I remember saying plainly, as I left my husband alone in the bathroom, hugging the porcelain throne.

We left the hospital exactly 12 hours later, only after his 104 fever had dwindled down to a more manageable 100 degrees, and tucked away in my purse was enough medicine to sedate a small elephant. OK, so maybe that one time I might have misjudged the severity of my husband’s illness, but everyone makes mistakes, right?

The next time I remember my bedside manners coming into question revolved around a “foot injury” that mysteriously afflicted my husband at the exact time we had scheduled to do a lot of outside yard work. As I recall, he milked his self-diagnosed “torn ligament” for a good two weeks, and he once again, (in my humble opinion), put on a good act with his hopping around on one foot because it hurt too much to put pressure on his wounded one.

I barely batted a lash when he started scooting slowly up the and down the stairs on his butt like a toddler whose legs aren’t quite big enough to naturally go up and down steps. And I certainly didn’t hold my breath when he insisted that he couldn’t drive because he needed his “injured foot” to push in on the clutch. The last straw was when he asked me twice in one night to get him some ice for his foot. I lost it and remembered shouting

“What!?!I just got you ice two hours ago!”

Clearly, my husband had blown this whole “torn ligament ailment” out of proportion, as he was literally making me wait on him hand and foot.  I suppose it wasn’t until we left the doctor’s office the next day with my husband hobbling on crutches and wearing an orthopedic shoe on his left foot that I was able to admit that he may have done something substantially more painful than stub his baby toe.

Which brings me to his most recent affliction … A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work, and he was moaning and groaning that he didn’t feel well. I thought for sure that something must have been wrong with the digital thermometer I used to take his temperature because it read 103, and my husband kept saying that he was freezing cold. I knew that my husband was just looking for an excuse to stay in bed and get out of doing the dishes, which he swore the previous day he would do on that day.

It wasn’t until the next day when my husband called up to say the doctor told him he had the flu that I was able to convince myself that CVS really hadn’t sold me a faulty thermometer after all. Apparently, there’s this funny thing with fevers … The person who has one feels cold even though their internal body temperature is boiling hot. Come on … It’s not like everyone knows that’s how fevers work, right?

Clearly, I can’t be labeled a poor caregiver for something that I didn’t know.

So you see … I’m not a really the clueless caregiver my husband claims that I am, it’s just that I was never faced with having to care for a sick husband before, so I simply just lacked a little know-how.

Now that I’ve lived through a couple of bouts of husbandly sickness, I know exactly how to care for him when he gets ill. In fact, I even know for a fact that I can’t give my husband Tylenol when he has a fever because it makes him hallucinate … No wait, that’s Aspirin. I can’t give him Aspirin. Yeah, that’s it. I think…

Torah Tuesdays: Who’s in control?

by
View of different types of sechach (sukkah roofs).

Image via Wikipedia

This topic is kind of a trend with me lately (must be some sort of pregnancy side effect).  I was searching for something on the topic of Sukkos, and I found this video on Aish.com.  While the video itself wasn’t exactly my taste, it did bring forth a message which I really feel strongly right now (as is apparent if you’ve been following my recent posts).

The general message of the video is:  Trust that G-d is in control.  He is the source of our security.  Not our material possessions, not our homes, our jobs.  Nope.  Those can all vanish (sorry).

Jobs

This message is especially timely since so many people are wondering if they will be employed next year, next month, next week.  My husband is currently applying for jobs, what with being in the final year of his residency and all, and while it’s likely that we will be able to find something (we hope), there is no guarantee.  I was just having a conversation with a friend who mentioned that they really wanted to live in a different city, and that they had looked hard to find a job there to no avail.  They ended up here (and they’re happy, don’t worry!).

One instance where I’ve seen how G-d is in control is how I ended up working as a teacher in the local day school.  I was waiting for my husband outside of shul, and the principal came out, asked me my name, where I was from, as so on.  We shmoozed a bit, and she asked if I had any teaching experience.  I mentioned that I had, and that was that.  After Shabbos, I was in touch with her and I was able to start substitute teaching at the school, which was a very rewarding experience, and a nice little supplement to our income!

Birth

There’s the whole waiting to give birth thing (soooo not in control of that).

Health

There’s also the health thing.  It seems like more and more I’m hearing about people, specifically children, who are sick.  Not like “oh, I ate a tub of ice cream and five Hershey’s bars and I feel lousy” sick, but “what on earth is going on and why is this happening” sick.  Even though people can do their best to take care of themselves, and parents can take good care of their children, sometimes illness happens.

There are also smaller, less devastating health concerns.  Today as I was driving to my doctor’s appointment, I noticed that my neck was a little stiff.  Like, I’m-going-to-have-a-really-painful-pinched-nerve-soon stiffness.  I said a little prayer which basically went, “Oh no!  Not now, right before I’m going to give birth!  I can’t have a stiff neck please please let me avert it!”

I tend to coast long obliviously until I get sick, or get a pinched nerve, etc., and then I remember how grateful I am to be in general good health, and how tenuous our hold on health can be.

Wealth

It’s said that on Rosh Hashana the amount of money we will make for the whole year is determined.  So “all” we need to do is put in our effort, and then G-d manages our money (and no, this does not mean that we can sit in an easy chair and wait for the checks to roll in.  It does require actually making an effort).

This is an area where I’ve been fortunate to have some amazing experiences with seeing how things balance out.  For instance, when I was in Israel for a year abroad (at Neve), I taught piano lessons.  This was extremely helpful, since I ran out of savings at some point mid-year.  Over Pesach break, I didn’t really teach.  However, I was able to secure a cleaning job which allowed me to earn almost the exact amount I was missing through my lack of teaching.  Cool, huh?

Of course, there’s the flip side, where I’ve received an unexpected windfall, only to need repairs to the brakes of our car.  So, things tend to balance out just how they are supposed to.  It’s not really in our control, and though making good financial decisions seems a prudent thing to do, with people’s retirement funds being greatly diminished, we are reminded that even that is not within our control.

Perspective

The video also compares being sustained in 21st century America to being sustained in the desert.  Um, yeah.  no comparison.  Basically, if G-d can support an entire nation for 40 years in the desert, G-d can find you a job.  Unfortunately, our timetable is not always aligned with His.  I can be rather impatient sometimes, waiting for the limbo to end.  I suppose if I were looking at eternity, then it wouldn’t seem like such a long time to wait.  But I’m just a mommy, so I don’t always remember to look at eternity.  Sometimes I can barely look to the next hour!

So what’s the point?

For the holiday of Sukkos, we leave our house and spend a lot of time in the temporary structures we erect for the week.  This is  supposed to help us remember being supported in the desert, and that G-d is in control.  It’s an opportunity to strengthen our trust in G-d, and to remember that He’s got our back.  Whatever is happening in our lives, it’s for a reason.

——-

If you can say some Tehillim, or any prayer for the Refuah Shleimah (complete recovery) of Tzipporah bas Rachel, it would be greatly appreciated!