Tag Archives: sleep

Getting stuff done with a newborn

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One of my readers, a new mother, requested a post about getting things down with a newborn in the house.  My recollection of how I managed with a newborn is a little hazy now, what with Really LIttle Man being a big ol’ 20-monther.  But in honor of today, my due date, I thought it would be prudent to take a moment and think about how to handle those first, physically challenging months with a tiny little baby.

Little Man, fresh out of the oven!!!

What I do remember about life with just one newborn is that I was up at odd hours of the night, wide awake, and thus was able to blog more than I expected (weird, right?).  Also, that things like making a sandwich seemed like an insane luxury.  A sandwich?  Who has time to make such things??!!  I ate a lot of frozen waffles, I think.  I don’t remember.  Somehow I survived.  Showering was also something that I learned to really, really appreciate when it actually happened.  Everything revolved completely around my new baby and his schedule (or lack thereof).  Sleep?  Right.  Cute.

double trouble. Or something.

Life with a newborn and a toddler was different.  I discovered that I was totally able to nurse with one arm while preparing a snack with the other.  It’s amazing what I can actually accomplish with one hand, no joke.  Also, I had realized that life would be easier if my kids were on something resembling a schedule, so I put some effort into that, and it helped.  I was in the middle of a big musical endeavor at the time, so it was a bit of an abnormal situation.  I was really cranky a lot (sorry, band sistahs!).

This pregnancy has been different than the previous ones, being that I have two energetic little boys who need my attention.  A lot.  And they don’t really care about my sciatica.  Or heartburn.  Or fatigue.  They really don’t.  They want me to read them that book, or go play outside with chalk, or whatever.  And that’s cool, but I’ve noticed, with some chagrin, that I have about zero energy for anything extra in my life.  Music projects?  Hahaha.  Blogging?  Sorry, not much coherent thinking by the end of the day.  My goal for the day is basically this:   Take care of the family; make sure the house doesn’t fall apart; sleep.  So I imagine that my life will have a fairly similar tone once the baby comes.  Take care of the family, make sure the house doesn’t fall apart, sleep.

As for my personal strategy for this baby, here’s what I got:  My mother is coming in (tonight!  Woot!) for nearly two weeks.  My neighbors are making meals for me (it’s an amazing system where women I sometimes barely know make meals for me.  It never ceases to amaze me how people are willing to help each other).  My mother-in-law will be coming in when the baby is about a month old.  I have a freezer packed with food for well over a month.  I’m planning on sending Little Man to a camp in the morning, and Really Little Man to a babysitter for the same time slot.  I also have cleaning help once a week.  That’s my plan.  That and really, really lowered standards of what my house will be like, organization-wise.  Remember the mantra: Take care of the family, make sure the house doesn’t fall apart, sleep.

Now, because everyone is different, and because I love crowdsourcing (it’s one of the positive things about social media, IMO), I asked around to my Facebook friends, my wonderful readers, and my Twitter friends, to see how everyone else manages with a newborn.  I got a fabulous response from many of my experienced mommy friends, and am happy to share some of the wealth.  Also, they were very sweetly encouraging to me, as I approach the state of being outnumbered by my progeny.  Love you, ladies!  You’re fantastic!

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Fraidy:  Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Send younger siblings out if you have to (babysitter,playgroup whatever) and do tons of meal prep ready to go in the freezer.  Sleep when baby sleeps btw is easier said than done.  Take extra cleaning help and enlist chesed girls.  The more kids you have, the less chance of being able to get sleep.

Leah:  Strap him/her to me and go.   This works until about 3.5 months.  After that, the bouncy seat was my best friend.  Extra laundry help if you can get it.

Rivka:  My third was my easiet (I hope for you too!) because I had absolutely zero expectations about getting any sleep or getting anything done.  So, everything I got was a bracha. Also, I made it a priority to get all 3 to nap at the same time in the afternoon, so I was able to sleep then.

Gail:   If you have more then one young child, do your absolute best to get them on the same nap schedule! (of course my 2.5 yr old stopped napping at 16 months :( so I didn’t experience this!)

Tzipporah:  For me, newborns are easy!  It’s once they hit like 5 months that I start pooping out with exhaustion!  Lower your standards. That’s the only way to deal I guess haha.

Rivkah:  For me, it has been just the opposite of Fraidy’s experience as far as sleep is concerned. I jammed as much stuff into when the baby slept as I could. With Gary, I was doing a lot of work on the house when he was newborn (still am, but he has for the most part shed his nap, sadly), so I used that time to paint, strip the trim, cut mat board for pictures–do all that stuff that I don’t want the kids/baby around. Obviously everyone is different, and if you need sleep by all means get some shut eye! But for me, I found that if I didn’t do “me” things, I would get into a deep blue funk very easily. I do agree with what Fraidy said about meals, though. Freeze away, baby! Even now,without a newborn, I always make them bigger than needed so I can freeze leftovers for the days that I am too zonked to shop and cook. It also helps with the budget for my husband to always take leftovers to work as lunch. No $8 stops at the bagel shop.

Yaffa:  Truth be told, each time I had a baby it was different. Number two was the hardest and it was the winter. The best was when I had #3 when then temp outside was beautiful – I loved going for walks with or without all the kids made everything peaceful. I also made sure to have a good set up for diapers, wipes and anything I needed located in places so I didn’t have to go up and down the stairs.  Also finding a good places for everyone to sit in the car. With the sleep stuff I slept one extra cycle with the baby in the morning so I could function all day and not need a nap.

Heather:  Going from one to two was incredibly difficult— I just LAY there that whole 2 minutes. (for those of you who don’t know me I only have twins born 2 minutes apart via C section). :)  In all seriousness, when my kids were newborns they were soooooooooooooooooooo much easier. They ate, slept, pooped. I could leave the room and move a load of laundry and not worry that one would bite the other, shove the other’s head in a toilet, etc. I loved the newborn stage.

Rena:  Sleep and don’t worry about the house.  Maccaroni is ok for breakfast, lunch and supper and it’s ok if the house is a mess.  As long as everyone has something to wear in the morning the rest doesn’t matter

Rachel:  Get help. Send your kids out, or bring in a babyistter for the baby, or for the older ones.

Brina:  Freeze food in advance and/or friends give up to 2 weeks of meals, parents come to help, other people take care of night feedings so I can sleep.

Yaffa:  I don’t live near family and therefore never had help after birth.  Cooking and freezing in advance makes everything a gazillion times easier.  But mostly I think its a mindset and attitude.  Expect to be tired.  Expect to be drained.  Expect to be overwhelmed.  Because by being prepared for it, its already half as hard.  I also find that getting up and getting dressed every day helps significantly. From the day I come home from the hospital I’m fully dressed. Hanging around in your pjs makes you feel tired and yucky and less able to cope. If you can put makeup on, even better.

Marilyn:  Sleep with the baby. You can sleep through much nursing, and baby sleeps better next to Mommy. Less exhausting than getting up every time baby cries — and less likely to wake up the other kids.

Nina:  Help. Any help in any form, from people dropping off food or taking your big kids for play dates. And slowing down the rest of life.  Biggest tip is this: you have to say no to lots of things for a few months. It’s time to hunker in and stay put. It won’t be forever!

Yael:   I second the freezing food in advance. Also–if you do have help after birth, take advantage of it! REST! Don’t get out of PJs for a week–it may make you feel a bit less put together but it also puts you in a resting/relaxing state. You’ll have enough to do after that.

Mandy:  I suggest have or get a really good support system. Whether that’s family, friends, neighbours, or paid help.  Have it all ready BEFORE the baby comes. I”H everything will be good and easy but sometimes there are complications and if we are prepared then we can cope better.
Shoshana:  using the 5 s’s from The Happiest Baby on the Block, plus learning to ‘cope with not coping’.

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Okay, wish me luck, and luck to all the new mothers and mothers of new ones out there!  And have a great Shavuos, too!  Yum yum cheesecake!

What’s your take: Where does your baby sleep

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Well, I meant to close this poll long, loooong ago, but since I didn’t, I got a whole bunch of votes.  Here are the results:

The crib-only fans edged into the lead at the last minute, closely followed by those who employ both methods.  Trailing quite a bit behind were the dedicated bed-sharers.

As with many areas of parenting, where your baby sleeps can be a hot-button topic.  I didn’t intend to share my bed with my babies, and, indeed, tried really hard at first to sit upright while doing the nighttime feeds.  I got a big, comfy sitting-up pillow (the kind with the arms, really useful for reading in bed) and I really attempted to stay awake for the feeding and the burping.  It was a total FAIL.  I fell asleep anyways, and then I would awaken with a start, terrified that I had dropped my baby, or inflicted some other harm (G-d forbid).  The only way I could stay awake was if I nursed him in front of the computer, and then I couldn’t fall back asleep.  So I was either insanely sleep-deprived or terrified of dropping my child.

A child sleeping.

this is the goal

Then my doula told me about the magical nursing-while-laying down method, and introduced me to co-sleeping.  And I didn’t look back.

However, when I first mentioned to an acquaintance-type-person that I was sharing my bed with my baby, her horrified reaction indicated that this was not a universally-accepted practice.  So I kept quiet, but, little by little, I found more and more women who also employ this method.

My toddler now sleeps beautifully (bli ayin hara), and my baby (he’s seven months) spends much of the night in his Pack’n'play (we’re going to get a proper crib after we move, IY”H), but still hangs out with me sometimes (like, at 5 a.m.).

I’m in the process of writing a (long-overdue) post about co-sleeping for LadyMama, so if you have any opinions, experiences or information, please email me.  I’d really appreciate it!

Also, check out the new poll in the sidebar!  Can you tell I love exclamation marks?!

Have a newborn? Try Cumulative Sleeping

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Sleeping like a baby

As anyone who has ever had a newborn will attest, sleep is a rare, precious commodity.  When nursing either on a schedule or on demand, it can feel like every time you turn around, the baby needs to be fed again.  And again.  And again.

In addition to the seemingly endless cycle of feeding, there are two other important duties:  burping and diapering.  This completes the newborn trifecta.

Once the feeding is finished, burping must be done.  Those sneaky burps are not always forthcoming, so keep patting.  The feeling of satisfaction and relief once a nice, long, deep burp is emitted is glorious (not just for the baby, also for the mommy), and the consternation over a dawdling burp is great.  You see, if that burp doesn’t come soon after the patting begins, it could emerge later, when you’re trying to capture just a few precious minutes of shut-eye.  And that’s not fun.

Diapering is a strategic task.  I prefer to diaper prior to nursing, that way if my little baby falls asleep while eating, as newborns are wont to do, I can simply burp him and lay him down, and hope for a nice stretch of sleep (provided that the elusive burp has occurred).  Of course, it does sometimes happen that a messy diaper may present itself while nursing, in which case there are two choices:  1) wait until the baby has finished eating, give him a new diaper and then burp him or 2) perform a mid-meal diaper change.  They both have their merits.  The former allows me to enjoy the relaxation of feeding just a bit longer, and the latter gives me the hope of having the benefit of post-nursing slumber.

This business of feeding the baby can be an hour-long process.  When a newborn is eating, say, every two hours, that’s half your potential nap-time.  I’ve found that it is not useful to attempt to truncate the process, as a rushed newborn does not nap well.  At least mine don’t.  And if the baby isn’t sleeping well, neither is the mommy.

So I’ve developed my newborn sleep philosophy:  Six hours cumulative sleep is what I need to be functional.  This concept came about because, on account of my active toddler, I cannot follow the well-known advice to “sleep when your baby sleeps” (don’t even get me started on that, anyways.  I found it impractical even with my first baby, what with the cooking and cleaning still to do).

This sleep philosophy can be accomplished with many quick naps.  Or several slightly longer naps.  Or a couple of those elusive stretches of three or more hours.  This goal can be met easily if there are relatives to help with watching the baby (and other children who also need parenting and attention), or if there is a husband who doesn’t work 60 to 80 hours a week (like a resident, ahem).  No matter the manner in which the 6 hours are acquired, it seems that if I’m able to get them, I’m a relatively decent human the next day.

Now, this system doesn’t work for everyone.  Some people just need more sleep.  To those mommies who are really waylaid by the deprivation, I say “Hang in there!  Your baby will eventually sleep through the night!  I promise!”

To all mommies everywhere, I say “Good luck!”

 

Things newborns like to do

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Waiting for a clean diaper to make it dirty

I change his diaper and once he’s covered with the nice, clean, dry diaper, he makes a poo, and I have to change him again before putting him down to nap.  It’s like he has a preference for a non-wet diaper for his bathroom needs.  What’s with that?  I’m burning through diapers twice as fast here.  Well, change him afterward, you might say.  It happens to be that this baby is a bit of a sleepyhead, so I need to change him to wake him up enough that he will nurse adequately.  Gah!

Waiting for mommy to lay down for a nap to start crying

Sure, he can nap very nicely during the day when I’m taking care of Little Man, but when I decide to lay down for some much-needed shut-eye, he decides that he’s uncomfortable, or his pacifier falls out of his mouth.  Every.  Nine.  Minutes. It’s like the snooze alarm, but I’m not the one pressing the button.

Falling asleep while nursing

It’s cute.  It’s yummy.  It’s cuddly.  It makes nursing last twice as long, which is fine, unless there’s a toddler needing attention, or it’s three in the morning.  Really, though, I don’t mind.  It’s  delicious and snuggly.  while I was in recovery, one of the residents told me that if you stick something in a newborn’s mouth, they fall asleep.  That wasn’t the case with Little Man, so this is a new experience for me.

Striking unintentionally cute poses

just look at that pose!

I know that my baby is too little to be smiling or assuming cute positions, but he still does it, and I love it!  Sometimes his hands just find the right position and he is picture perfect.  Scrumptious.  And I don’t care that the smiling is on account of gas. It’s still extremely cute.

Snuggling up to mommy

When my baby is feeling uncomfortable, and pulling his little skinny leggies up to his chest and crying, all I need to do is pick him up and pat him on the back, and he snuggles right up to me.  His little head lies on my shoulder, his little arms rest on my arms and chest, he takes his little breaths and I can inhale his baby scent and all is right in the world.