The results are in for this month’s poll! There was a much better turnout this time than last, so that was exciting (hey, it’s the little things).
I’ve heard many times that it’s important to date your spouse after marriage, you know, to nurture the relationship, to continue to relate to your spouse on an individual level (as opposed to a diapers, carpools and budgets level).
When I was becoming frum, the couple who I spent a lot of time with went out every Saturday night (in the winter, I think). This Aish.com article recommends having dates once a week. When I shared that with my husband he remarked,
“I don’t think we even dated once a week while we were dating.”
So we decided that, for us, once a month is good. That keeps us happy. We’ll revisit that as our family grows, but I feel that once a week isn’t a realistic goal for us (or for many people. Who can afford a babysitter four times a month?).
The results of the poll seemed to mirror that sentiment. The majority of you (62.5%) date when you can, that is, it’s not a regularly scheduled event, but not unheard of either. The next group, at 28.13% doesn’t appear to even go on dates (you should really try it, no really!!), and at the bottom, with under 10%, were the regularly-scheduled daters.
That bit surprised me a little. I would’ve thought that more people would be scheduled daters than non-daters. But that’s why I do polls. To learn about you, my readers. So, thanks for participating!
The new poll is up in the sidebar, so take a minute and let me know what you think!
Rivki Silver ~ thoughts & music 
how do you define ‘date’ ?
Good question. The way I see it, a date is anything where you interact with your spouse without the presence of your kid(s). So, that doesn’t include dinners where you sit separately from your spouse, but can include, say, shopping at Target.
Not all dates require a babysitter. If your kids will sleep on their own for long enough you can spend time in your kitchen drinking tea, or watching a movie on the couch together. My husband and I find time each week that is specifically for us to spend time together that’s not related to regular household things. It’s time for us to remember what we used to talk about before the baby came and life flipped upside down.
What an excellent point! We also have couch movie nights (once a month or so), and it’s a real treat. We’ve also played cards, and I’ve even given him a couple of piano lessons (I’m totally counting that as a date). Thanks for the great comment!
We almost never went out when our kids were small. We started going out more regularly once our eldest could babysit. The first time he sat his siblings locked him in a closet. After that we started paying them each a dollar if they were good for him. Three out of four of them are old enough to sit and we still don’t go out regularly. Once a month sounds pretty good to me. Enjoy.
By the way, I think that it’s the coolest thing that you’ve given your husband piano lessons!
Thanks! He was a really good student (that’s objectively speaking, too!).
Wow, that is hysterical. We really don’t do much, except a semi-regular movie night on the couch, since my husband’s schedule is so cuckoo (he’s finishing his residency this summer! Whee!). Whenever our parents come into town, though, we usually get a date night, so that’s pretty cool.