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Okay, so I don’t really celebrate Valentine’s day (something about holidays that start with the word “Saint” and that it’s not so easy to find kosher V-day chocolates), but it’s always nice to let your husband know that you love and appreciate him, right? Here are five relatively easy ways to do so.
1. Compliments!
Update: When I wrote this post, I though I was being cute, or edgy, or something. But now I see that in this point I was not as respectful to men as I should be. So I would like to amend this first sentence. Ladies, a man is a walking ego. Everyone loves a good compliment. Tell him how great he is. Spend a few minutes thinking about some things you love about him, and then tell him. Is he great with the kids? Let him know. Do you love how he takes charge? So say it! He’s a good listener? He’ll love to hear it. Try to tell him three things. He’ll be so happy, and then you will be too!
2. Look good.
Trust me, if I could stay in my pajamas all day, I would (and have, at one point or another). However, when my husband comes home after a long day of work, I want to be the best thing he’s seen all day! Even though I know that whatever I put on will be covered in either spitup, little sticky fingerprints, and likely both, it’s still worth it to have my husband see that I want to look nice for him. So I put on a nice outfit and a little makeup. And I try to put on my sheitel for him as often as possible, ’cause he likes it.
3. Let it slide.
You know how it’s so annoying when the toilet seat is left up/the thing is not put back in its place/that thing is left in the middle of the floor? Don’t say anything about it. No. Don’t. It’s not worth it. Think about it.
4. Have dinner ready on time
I wasn’t always great at having dinner ready for my husband when he walked through the door. The day kind of slid by, and before I knew it, he was coming home, and I hadn’t even thought about what to make for dinner. What’s the big deal? I thought. Well, I spent a few months working outside of the house, and when I came home I was starving! So then I understood a little better how hard it is to manage when ravenous. One of my rabbis at Neve would say that 70% of marital dispute arise because the husband isn’t being fed on time. Here are some tips on how to get dinner ready on time if you have little ones around.
5. Little Notes
My husband takes a lunch with him every day to work. I try and pack a little note with his lunch so that during his hectic day he has a little bit of home. Even when the notes get repetitive, he still appreciates them. If your husband doesn’t take a lunch, you could send him a text or email to let him know you’re thinking about him, that you miss him, and that you look forward to seeing him when he comes home.
What are some other ways you let your husband know how much he means to you?
You may also like these:
- Your husband is not broken; he’s just a guy
- Redefining Homemaker
- Becoming an Expert Giver
- Culture Clash
Rivki Silver ~ thoughts & music 
so interesting to see how people operate differently! I could totally relate to numbers 1 and 3…. but 2, 4 and 5 don’t apply so much.
My husband and i run our business from home. We both work interchangeably through out the day (the other one minded the children). We both have our areas (I cook, he designs webpages etc) but otherwise we share the load for the business. So dinner is always “on time” b/c we have it when we decide it’s time basically. our schedules are meshed – insanely busy, but meshed.
Looking nice – My husband would die if I put on a sheitl or make up. He “allows” me some eye liner so I can feel dresses up, but he dislikes “things that look fake” in his opinion. and of course since we both work from home, it would be rather impossible for me to dress up all day long, so he sees me in just what I see him in – comfy clothes. I mean clean, comfy clothes. but nonetheless. That’s just his style. and mine too. so it works. neither of us even own super dressy clothing. (I mean we can look presentable of course, but fancy things just aren’t our style)
I once heard that a Rabbi said that all women should ALWAYS wear at least a little make up as a duty to their husband. I asked my husband and he assured me he didn’t like that idea at all. so do I make the Rabbi happy? or the husband? ;)
after 12 yrs of being married I’m finally getting it through my head that not every man’s interpretation of “wifely duty” is the same. and frankly I’m so glad my husband is the way he is… because I HATE make up too :)
It’s interesting indeed! I think that as long as you know what your husband’s idea of wifely duty is, that’s the main thing, no? And what a great point that looking nice doesn’t necessarily mean make-up, etc (though it’s nice your husband has compromised on eyeliner!).
truth is I wear eye make up on very rare occasion anyhow. I’m desperately sensitive to any chemicals on my skin so make ups, perfume, fragranced lotions and so forth are something I can’t do often or my face would be one big itchy rash. a rashy face can’t be all that alluring to my husband ;)
So what kind of makeup do you use when you use it? My friend Heather is into skincare stuff. I feel naked without my makeup; it’s one of the first things I put on. I use a minimal amount, though. Just a little blush, eyeshadow and mascara. Maybe a little concealer if I need it. That’s enough to make me feel done up!
My first reaction was that your list was very old-fashioned — kind of like a throwback to the 1950s! But it all falls under the category of common courtesy – and I hope that he reciprocates with the same (except for the make-up part, of course!). :)
I’ve always liked vintage stuff; I guess my advice falls into that category as well! And thankfully, my husband does reciprocate (and, thankfully, not with makeup).
Do not send this to a girl who is thinking of getting married, she will run away. Or else you’d have to write the 5 ways a husband can show his wife that he loves her:
– Compliments
– Look good and eat with good table manners
– Display some sense of gratitude: pick up your socks, put your own stuff in the laundry, do not forget to put the toilet seat down, etc, etc
– Don’t grumble if your meals are not quite ready when you get back home; your wife is not your servant. She is bound to have had lots of other things to do during the day.
– Leave a note on the table in the morning, showing you appreciarte all she does for you.
Hope you will excuse the mischevious comment,
The Feminist Jew
I hope not every girl would run away! And if I had any male readers (anyone out there?) I would definitely do a “5 ways” for a husband. I wholeheartedly agree with your list (lol for table manners!), but since we can only control our own actions, I’ve found it’s more helpful for me to focus on what I can do instead of what I want to (eventually) get my husband to do!
and FTR, my husband does most everything on your list. Yay!
Just incidentally, the response I’ve gotten from this post is nothing like I expected!
That’s the beauty of blogging — you get input from so many different people.
I love it!
Making time to cuddle on a weekend morning. Making him a piece of fish to give him a break from my vegan dinners. And yes, getting out of my sweatpants!
Those are great! I’m sure he really appreciates that fish, too. :)
Rivki,
I didn’t mean to make it sound like it wasn’t a good list! I really DO think it is! I only meant to say that every husband is different… and indeed every couple, so it might not work out exactly like that within every marriage.
That said I think the list is a very good point – we should be thinking about how to make our husbands feel good, welcomed and appreciated! :)
Oh, I didn’t take it that way, don’t worry! :)
It’s a good reminder that each marriage has its own unique needs, and, like you said, making our husbands feel good, welcomed and appreciated is a good goal, however its achieved!
I love it! I once heard a story about a woman who was very particular about keeping her bathroom (and the whole house, I’m sure) tidy. She used to get upset at her husband because, whenever he dried his hands, he’d leave the towels all smushed up. Instead of making a big deal, she straightened them up herself. For 40 years she’s been fixing the towels after him, and hasn’t said a word, and if you asked her, she doesn’t even notice she does it anymore. She gets her tidy bathroom, he gets a non-nagging wife.
I only have to agree a bit with Elle. My husband has never noticed what I wear. In fact, he’s commented that he has no idea why women need so many clothing. When I explain that some are for weddings, some for Shabbos, some for weekday, and some for just feeling put together, he doesn’t get it. He honestly doesn’t see the difference between my Shabbos and weekday outfits, while I think I look great in a sheitel, he’s never said anything, and if I’m covered in spitup or mashed carrots, he wouldn’t even notice. While sometimes it’s frustrating, since every woman wants to be complimented, especially by her husband, on how nice she looks and do things to make him happy, I really appreciate that I’m free to dress in a way that makes me feel good. (Since I work, I’m usually dressed decently anyway, so no pajama days for me!)
And little notes are the best. We text (he doesn’t take lunch), and it’s the best way since that way I get a note back in return!
Thanks again!
I like the bathroom towel story.
I can understand your occasional frustration about your husband not noticing! Sometimes, if I make a special effort to look nice (like when both kids are climbing all over me and/or whining and it’s generally nutty and I still put myself together), I’ll mention it to me husband. No shame in fishing for compliments. :) I’ve also found that when I’m dressed in something nicer than pjs, I feel better in general, which contributes to a nicer tone in the house.
True about the pjs. I’m much more focused in clothing than in pjs, they leave a sort of general fuzziness everywhere, which is probably why the baby’s folded shirts ended up in the microwave last week… =)
Fished comments, though, always seem… forced, fake, and insincere.
Haha- folded shirts in the microwave. I almost returned a non-food item to the fridge today (and I wasn’t in pjs!).
I consider the solicited compliments a small step in reminding my husband what I want to be complimented on. If I fish enough times, perhaps he will remember on his own one day.
This is a great list! I agree with all of them though of course it doesn’t mean that what works for one works for all. If your husband doesn’t like makeup – good for you! That means he thinks you look great without it! :-D
Another way to show your husband how much he means to you is by valuing his opinion and telling him so.
Preparing his favorite dish for supper shows him that he is important to you and you like to give him the things he likes…
Those a good suggestions, too! I guess really, whatever little things would be appreciated are what help make a marriage stronger.
So, so, so true! :)
This is a beautiful post, Rivki! Your ideas are so true and so affective. Many women don’t realize that even after a few years of marriage, it still makes a difference to put in that extra effort for your husband and he will appreciate it in return. Kol hakavod!
Thank you! May we all have the koach and insight to make the effort for our husbands for many, many years to come. :)
Well, I have broken #1, 2, and 4, sometimes on a regular basis. I break #1, because neither of us are really into the compliments. #2, because my husband doesn’t care. He honestly doesn’t. I never wear makeup, and he doesn’t care if I’m in pajamas or dressed, if I tweezed my eyebrows or they are growing together. It just doesn’t matter to him. I dunno, don’t ask me why… And #4, because we split dinner duties. #5 we do as phone calls, because we have to use a certain number of minutes per month (kosher phones).
Hm. Maybe I should write my own list?
Yes, please write your own list! It’s funny, when I wrote this post I had no idea that it would stir up so many different opinions. I suppose I was naive to think these were universal, but it’s refreshing to see so many different ways that people interact in their marriage. I guess the point is that we should try to do things that our husbands appreciate, whatever they may be. Thanks for stopping by!
Well, I think I shall. Thank you for the post idea; I wanted to write something for tomorrow’s post, but I had a small case of writer’s block, which you just cleared for me. :)
Yay!
Nice list, expect I don’t think you have to be a walking ego to want compliments. I like compliments from my husband, and I think my ego is somewhat normal…
Yeah, my viewpoints have evolved a bit since writing this. I should do an updated one…