Looking At Marriage with Fresh Eyes

First things first, I want to give a huge mazel tov to a newlywed couple:  Emily and Azi, your wedding was absolutely epic, and the feeling of joy was so palpable it was spilling out of the hall.  Just like your simcha was magnificent, down to the last detail, the simcha in your life together should continue to be magnificent!

I love me a good Jewish wedding.  Jam-packed with meaning and joy, the wedding goers are exhorted to make the bride and groom happy.  And so, at the reception, one can see stately, elegant women doing crazy shtick and fancy footwork all in the name of making the new couple smile.  Even if I’m feeling a little sad, the collective feeling of “yippee!” is enough to lift me up.

Another thing I enjoy about going to a wedding is the time-machine effect.  As I’m watching the bride experience her special day, I can’t help but think back to my own wedding, and all the excitement and nervousness that I felt.  All that potential, all those possibilities, all those anniversaries that I had yet to experience.


The marriage ceremony is a very auspicious time to pray for the things everyone wants in life – health, happiness, children, livelihood, stability, long life.  At Emily and Azi’s wedding, they had some beautiful suggestions of things to pray for (I wish I had kept a copy of their program!), like having a home always full of laughter and joy, and to always see the good in each other.

These kind of idealistic sentiments bring out all the gushy feelings in me.  It reminds me of the ideals and goals I had for my marriage, and of how much I appreciate my husband, and how glad I am to be married to him.

Now, one might think that if marriage is so great, why does it take going to someone else’s wedding for me to remember this?  Hmmm?  Well, being married is wonderful.  But like most things that are wonderful, it takes effort to keep it wonderful.  Two people coming together into one home and one life will inevitably lead to some differences of opinion, and add the normal (and sometimes very abnormal) stresses of life, and well, we have our work cut out for us.

Also, like many things that are wonderful but regular, it’s easy to take it for granted.  Sometimes being married becomes just another part of the scenery of my life, and I forget to stop and appreciate it.  I will fall into a pattern of only paying attention to what I feel my husband is *not* doing and forget to look at all the things he *is* doing.

So thank you, Emily and Azi (and to your families and everyone involved in making the simcha), for prompting me to look at my marriage with fresh eyes, and to remember:

To always look at my husband through a positive lens

To express my appreciation frequently

To think about his needs at least as much as my own

To be a good friend

To have my eyes light up when he walks through the door

To truly listen to him

To try and see things from his perspective

To keep working on myself and not become complacent

What do you focus on to keep your marriage magnificent?  

12 thoughts on “Looking At Marriage with Fresh Eyes

  1. I keep a list on my phone titled “I Love my Husband because….” and I add to it every time he does something thoughtful, like “He put on an extra shirt because he thought I might get cold and then he could give me his jacket.” Anytime I think, “Awww…” I am reminded to write it down. Then when I think he’s not being thoughtful I pull it out and remind myself that my idea of thoughtfulness isn’t always his, and that he shows his love for me in so many small ways that they are often easily overlooked. This way I keep myself grateful and focused on, as you said, what he DOES do.

  2. Great post! I felt that way when we recently attended a wedding too. I forgot what it was like to be a bride. This year is our 10 year anniversary. We’re still as emotionally connected as we were when we first met. We make each other laugh every day and that’s so important. We also tell each other “I love you” all the time. So, while it’s easy to miss the new bride feeling, I’m also incredibly proud of the home and life we have built together in the last 10 years.

  3. I love this! (Not as much as I love my husband, but it’s great!) During this healing, my husband’s devotion to our commitment has made me cherish him even more! I have so much gratitude on my heart and I love him even more! Hopefully the day will come where we can attend a simcha together again! I’m not there yet.

    Sent from RASJ’s iPhone


  4. I love this post. I find that I do the same things at weddings, reminisce and be suddenly swept away by the same emotions I felt on my own wedding day. It is really hard to remember to keep that going every day. I love the list you put together, and together with Ilene’s idea, I hope I can strengthen my own marriage.

    Oh, and mazal tov, Emily!

  5. You are so spot on with those words you bolded. It does take work to keep things wonderful. For us, I’d say we make sure to spend lots of time together, stay on the same team, and to put each other above anyone else (that even included the kids–i.e. having date nights, etc)

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